SUCCESS IN NUMBERS, Wondertwyn Productions, at Wing & Groove Theatre. This tiresome, formulaic relationship comedy was originally penned as a screenplay–and certainly a film’s jump cuts would be an improvement over the current production’s laborious, energy-siphoning blackouts. But neither celluloid nor playwright-director Jon-David’s jerky, labored staging can rescue his self-obsessed characters from obnoxiousness.

The plodding two-hour Success in Numbers shows Cammi–a solipsistic thirtysomething commercial photographer–and her whiny gay assistant Jessy searching for their respective Mr. Rights. Painfully predictable, their quest begins with assorted unfunny dates from hell and proceeds to a straight uncle and his gay nephew. They have their own emotional baggage–the elder is manic-depressive, pill popping, and sexually impotent and has suicidal tendencies–but still the two Rights are slightly less fucked-up than the damaged goods who’ve preceded them. Finally–after smarmy confessions, phony hugs, and an overdose of psychobabble about validation, fear of commitment, astrological signs, New Age fatalism, and feel-good affirmations–Jon-David’s talky nonentities settle for something like happiness.

If only they’d come to life, even sporadically, instead of explaining themselves to death with dreadful lines like “I feel bad–I don’t want to feel bad” and “I feel I need to know how I feel.” But Cammi and Jessy remain toxically self-centered, boring, and repellent, performed as they are here with a fatal mixture of clumsy cuteness and awkward insincerity.

–Lawrence Bommer