Splitting up David Sedaris’s monologue among ensemble members is a pretty bad idea: the writer’s voice gives the piece what unity it’s got. Stranding the haphazardly lit actors behind podiums is a worse one, especially when the material is this prosaic. But the engaging Janus Theatre cast all find at least a few comic moments apiece–no small feat when following the evening’s opener, Sedaris’s Front Row Center With Thaddeus Bristol. Though often paired with SantaLand because of its Christmas theme, this critic’s rant should never be paired with anything; deadly unfunny and guilty of every theatrical sin it blasts, it may just be unperformable. Steve Macarus’s one-note interpretation does nothing to change that impression. Through 1/8: Thu-Sat 8 PM, Sun 7 PM, no show Sat-Sun 12/24-12/25, Athenaeum Theatre, first-floor studio theater, 2936 N. Southport, 312-902-1500, $15.