THE STATUE OF LIBERTY AND RUMPLESTILTSKIN: SIZE DOESN’T MATTER (A LOVE STORY), Sirmarbleeye, at the Chicago Actors Studio. Andrew Gregory Krzak’s surrealistic comedy about the Statue of Liberty’s torrid love affair with Rumplestiltskin has all the makings of a theatrical fun ride: an insane story line, lots of pop-culture references, a smattering of intellectual humor, and enough wisecracks to fill a Hope-Crosby picture. The only thing it lacks is laughs.

Actually, laughs are only one of the things this dreary little romp could use. It also needs a better cast, director, and script. Some of Krzak’s ideas show real comic potential (the Statue of Liberty trying to pass as a New York tourist), but he should have hired a director instead of staging the play himself: almost every scene needs rewriting, and many of the wisecracks and all the tired Clinton sex jokes should be cut.

A decent director might have kept the show’s pace from flagging–it now lurches from scene to scene–and the cast from lapsing into dull apathy, as Holly Thomas does in her dispirited performance as Liberty, or from trotting out every corny acting trick they learned in high school: “funny” voices, telegraphed punch lines. Paul Robert Avram is especially annoying as the pompous Senator Filibuster from New York: his constant scheming against Lady Liberty makes almost as much sense as his thick cornpone accent.

–Jack Helbig