If I’m So Famous, How Come nobody’s ever heard of me?, by Jewel Shepard (Kitchen Sink Press, $16.95).

Synopsis: Shepard shares her meteoric rise from teenage stripper and model in second-rate porn rags (Adam, Genesis) to actress in third-rate jiggle flicks like Caged Heat 2 and Hollywood Hot Tubs (parts one and two). Includes 200 photos in living black and white.

Representative Quote: “I wore costumes that were hand-made and based on a theme. For instance, the Viet Nam war was the inspiration for one of the dances in my repertoire. I bought a camouflage shirt at an army surplus store, cut it up, and used the lower half as a skirt and the upper half as a cut-off shirt.”

Noteworthy Flaw: Answer: Nobody’s heard of you because you’re not famous.

The Best wedding ever, by Diane Warner (Career Press, $11.99).

Synopsis: Budget wedding expert Warner makes liberal use of italics as she leads prospective couples through every stage of an ideal wedding, answering real-life questions such as: “Can I somehow include my dog as part of the ceremony?”

Representative Quote: “Dogs have served as ring bearers, flower girls and, in one case I know of, as the groom’s best man.”

Noteworthy Flaw: Suggests alcohol be strictly limited to a maximum of two glasses of champagne per guest. “If you have an open bar or a cash bar you are asking for trouble, not only from a liability standpoint, but from the standpoint of risking the beauty and joy of your reception by having a guest or two become unruly, obscene or obnoxious–you certainly don’t need that!”

The teachings of the angel of north america–book I: How to save your soul and your society, by Dr. Patricia Ann Meyer, with an afterword by the Angel of North America (Oaklea Press, $10.95).

Synopsis: An angelic presence–known as the Teacher–revealed itself to Jerry Meyer. God is not a liberal, and very soon He will scour the world of liberals with earthquakes, floods, and disasters so that we can begin again and perhaps get it right this time, aided by chosen survivors such as Jerry and Pat and guided by their book.

Representative Quote: “According to The Teacher the government experiment of social security that was started two generations ago was the single most powerful event in the changing of society for the worse.”

Noteworthy Flaw: The angelic presence feels that Ron Popeil earns his money but Michael Jordan doesn’t. “Earning $5 million a year because one makes the best widget on the planet is good,” the Teacher declares. “Earning $5 million because one plays basketball is not.”

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): Pictured are covers of the true books.