From the pages of Cool Beans! ¥ Number 12, the Sports Issue (3181 Mission #113, San Francisco, CA 94110; $6)
Excerpts from:
Japan loves golf. America loves haikus. Well alright then. The Lesson
By Kyle Statham
student:
new clubs, new culottes
the spikey shoes match the glove
destined for greatness
student:
awkward awkward swing
finally, solid contact
oops, where did that go?
master:
oh novice golfer
your errant shot found my
crotch
help me to my car
student:
no! i hit the pro!
are your testicles swollen?
how much are lessons
master:
do not strike the pro
the ball is your sole target
this is lesson one
master:
swing free like the leaves
trees of golf knowledge blossom
is your husband tall?
master:
you swing constricted
next time leave your
panties home
the golf pro sees all
master:
see your swing improve
my hand on your ass is key
golf pro is genius
master:
golf pro speaks wisdom
head down, feet apart, grip firm
now love my putter
student:
no love for your club
not from me, now or ever
do you love my knee?
master:
oh no, searing pain
you’ve reinjured my scrotum
what of lesson one?
student:
your lessons suck, pro
perhaps golf is not for me
where’s the tennis court?
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Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): zine cover.