Author Archives: Collected by Todd Savage

From the pages of Cool Beans! ¥ Number 12, the Sports Issue (3181 Mission #113, San Francisco, CA 94110; $6) Excerpts from: Japan loves golf. America loves haikus. Well alright then. The Lesson By Kyle Statham student: new clubs, new culottes the spikey shoes match the glove destined for greatness student: awkward awkward swing finally, […]

From the pages of Milky ¥ Number Seven (1419 31st Avenue S., Unit B, Seattle, WA 98144; $3) Excerpts from Confessions of a Repentant Mullethead By Harri Palmer Feathered hair. Mohawks. The “Shy Di” cut. Somehow I avoided them all. But I didn’t, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t escape. . . THE MOULET!! In 1983 or […]

From the pages of Bitch ¥ Volume 3, Number 3 (3128 16th Street, Box 143, San Francisco, CA 94103; $3.25) Excerpts from: My Cups Runneth Over By Erin M. Pipes I didn’t start out in the world a hard-ass, I swear. I was the nice girl, Little Mary Sunshine. But you know what finally pushed […]

From the pages of Hermenaut ¥ Number 14 (P.O. Box 141, Allston, MA 02134; $6) Excerpted From Anorexic Outfitters By Pauline Wolstencroft One day, in the fall of 1995, I decided it was time to do something about Urban Outfitters. I was sick of hearing my friends complain about getting paid slave wages in exchange […]

From the pages of Stay Free! ¥ Issue #15 (P.O. Box 306, Prince Street Station, New York, NY 10012; $3) Excerpts from: My Very Special Trip to the Nike Store By David Cross David Cross is the bald, Jewish one on HBO’s Mr. Show. There’s a little mom and pop store where I live (the […]

From the pages of babysue ¥ Volume 6, Issue 4 (PO Box 8989, Atlanta, GA 31106-8989; $3) Excerpts from: Why Kids Kill By “Husky Don” W. Seven What is happening in our society? Have we completely lost our sense of dignity and responsibility? Whatever happened to ideas like common decency and individual responsibility? Why are […]

From the pages of Mommy and I Are One, Number 6 (P.O. Box 643, Allston, MA 02134; $4.95) Excerpts from: I, Doll Collector By Kate Piestrup Hambrecht Doll collectors like myself have the unhappy distinction of sharing one of the most transparently pathological hobbies in America. Most of us are overweight, middle-aged or elderly women […]

From the pages of Travelling Shoes ¥ Number One, Summer 1997 (P.O. Box 206653, New Haven, CT 06520-6653; $2) Excerpts from: The Cult of Prime Rib By H.D. Miller Signs advertising inexpensive prime rib are everywhere in Las Vegas. They’re more ubiquitous than advertisements for Siegfried and Roy; more common than pictures of Wayne Newton. […]

From the pages of Princess ¥ Number 4, June 1998 (280 Park Avenue South, 2G, New York, NY 10010; $4) Excerpts from: Boy Wondering: Entering Dates Into the Wedding Planner By Nell Cross I went to college to get an education, not find a husband, and I moved to New York to start a career, […]

From the pages of Gastrolater ¥ Fall 1997 (Elizabeth M. Tamny, PO Box 60916, Chicago 60660-0916; $4) Excerpts from: A Few Things That Happened This Year for the First Time I Attended Traffic School to Avoid a Ticket (my first moving violation–I thanked the cop when he was done) and found myself, despite resentment and […]

From the pages of The Scaredy-Cat Stalker ¥ Number 7 (5535 NE Glisan #5, Portland, OR 97213; $2) Excerpts from: Never Mind the Bullock I don’t know what the deal is with freaks and Sandra Bullock. Last time it was the illiterate guy who wrote her a song. Now, it’s Mona and Brigit, two kooks […]

From the pages of Snowbound, the zine with ice in its veins ¥ Issue number 1 (3023 N. Clark #708, Chicago, IL 60657-5205; $4.75) Excerpts from: Escape From Las Vegas By Maritess Zurbano I moved away from Chicago in 1992. I was going crazy from being a sixth-year student in art school, and I was […]

From the pages of POPsmear ¥ Issue 14.0 (50 W. 23rd Street, 6th floor, New York, NY 10010; www.popsmear.com; $3 per issue or $15 per year for six issues) Going…Going…Gone Dealing With Hair Loss By Daniel James Logan Hair. The fiber that makes the world go round. It has built empires, it has made history. […]

From the pages of Plotz ¥ Number 9 (PO Box 819, Stuyvesant Station, New York, NY 10009; $1) Excerpts from: Tan Like Me By John Bowe As a halfie (half Jew, half Irish Catholic) I’ve always had a bit of an identity problem. My mom was the family Jew, so it was settled early on […]

From the pages of Guinea Pig Zero, A Journal for Human Research Subjects ¥ Number 5 (PO Box 42531, Philadelphia, PA 19101; $3) Excerpts from: Awake With a Vengeance By Donno Last fall, while trying to figure out how I was going to scrape together the money to fly to England for my brother’s wedding, […]