Credit: Paige Wynne

Crown Tap Room

2821 N. Milwaukee


There are hundreds of ways to get fall-over hammered at a local drinking establishment. And so many of them involve a fiery-eyed yahoo—someone you likely met that same night—demanding “Shots!” A staggered line of shot glasses on top of a well-worn bar isn’t as much a slippery slope as it is a death knell—and if you’re going down, you might as well have fun. Taken over by the proprietors of the Rocking Horse and Dante’s at the end of 2013, Avondale’s Crown Tap Room, a longtime neighborhood dive connected to a liquor store, has found a way to rid itself of the kitschy bottom-shelf liquors clogging up its basement. “Hot Dice” is a perfectly simple game: hand the bartender two bucks, retrieve a tumbler with a pair of dice, roll the dice, get served whatever corresponding poison matches your number. It’s cheap and hilarious. Expect to summon heartburn from bottles of Dr. McGillicuddy’s Country Fresh Schnapps, Chateau Monet Framboise Liqueur, or Metaxa Ouzo, among several others—they all sound much fancier than they taste. Crown is currently shut down in the midst of renovations, but the dice should be rolling down the bar again in the near future.