Chicagoans is a first-person account from off the beaten track, as told to Anne Ford. This week’s Chicagoan is Tazima Davis, sex and intimacy coach and orgasmic meditation teacher.
“Orgasmic meditation is a partnered sexual practice that is not quite sex. During OM, a stroker, who is usually a man, strokes the upper left-hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. It’s an up-down stroke only. No circling, no inserting a finger in the vagina. The reason for this specific spot is it has the most nerve endings, and stroking it helps to thaw the sensation or emotion that can be trapped in a woman’s body.
“OM gives people the connection they’re hoping for in regular sex. Unfortunately, because regular sex is patterned on masculine orgasm, this doesn’t happen frequently. In feminine orgasm, which both people can access through OM, they can experience that deeper connection.
“OM is absolutely not foreplay. While people can get turned on during it, it’s actually about increasing and honoring your sexual energy. This practice is often referred to as yoga for your orgasm. You’re doing a practice that increases the power and potency of your orgasm.
“What do men get out of it? They become more sensitive to their own feelings and sensations. They are able to interact with women in a way that they couldn’t before, because they’re more confident about what’s going on for women.
“As for women, the practice gives them a way to practice asking for what they want and experience actually getting it, which is revolutionary for most women. It also reduces their expectations of having the same experience that a porn star is having, most of which is acting. It changes from a caricature of sexuality to what their own authentic sexuality can be.
“Creepy guys actually get de-creeped by this practice. I have personally de-creeped quite a few men. Creepiness happens when a guy doesn’t approve of his own desire for women. So he has a feeling, but he’s trying to suppress that feeling, which produces the dissonance between what he’s presenting and the energy he’s projecting. That’s what creepiness is, that dissonance. I teach and coach OM, and that’s how I help guys accept their desires. They are literally different people afterward.
“San Francisco is where OM started. We have centers in New York, Los Angeles, London. And there are OM communities where people live. Someone might live at an OM house and commit their time in such a way that they would be having at least four OMs a day. This is a mindfulness practice, a wellness practice, and when it’s taken to the nth degree, the benefits can be just as great as someone who’s in a monastery, or who is giving 10,000 hours of practice over to an instrument.
“OM is for any human who wants to practice. It doesn’t matter whether your partner is anyone that you’re romantically involved with. And while most people practice privately, there are groups that come together to practice, like a yoga class. I’ve been at a conference where we had 400 people practicing, which was extremely powerful and amazing.
“I understand that this could be a challenging idea for people in Chicago. On the coasts, it’s a lot easier to talk about. In the midwest, part of my challenge is helping people understand that it’s OK to break the rules a little bit to have a different and more satisfying kind of life. There have been times I OMed with people and haven’t known their name. This practice is weird, and it stays weird, no matter how long you do it.”