• Behold the gravitational pull of an abandoned bookcase

“The thought of moving fills me with joy, and it always will,” Sarah Payne Stewart writes in a recent New Yorker piece fessing up to her New England-style real estate aspirationalism. “My heart soars at the sight of a moving van down a street.”

If my heart soars at the sight of a U-Haul, it’s because it may signal abandoned bookshelves in need of a new home. So I read Payne Stewart’s essay uncomprehendingly—she might as well have announced her love of digging holes in the ground.

Me: What do you want to dig a new hole for? You live in a perfectly good hole as it is.

Payne Stewart: But this one will be under a tree!