Jessica Hopper and I have Internet beef over the new Lil Jon/Gucci Mane/some other guys track, “I’m a J.” (You can listen here, if you’re into hearing awful bullshit.) Hopper calls it “phenomal bad goodness.” I say that it makes me want to take my ears to court and sue them for all they’ve got for emotional anguish and lost income that exposure to it has caused me. I’ve always thought that critics who claim that Southern party styles like crunk, snap, crank, and bounce have a dumbing-down effect on hip-hop in general were just overreacting, but “I’m a J” is giving me some reason to think they might be on to something. The song is like the audio equivalent of huffing paint. You can almost hear the fizzy sound of your higher brain functions dissolving. I’m guessing that since I hate the song so much it will become inescapable by the end of the summer. Cruel world.

If you’re interested in some real good-dumb Southern-ness, I recommend hitting up Soulja Boy‘s MySpace page and listening to each track about a dozen times. I have mad respect for his janky-ass customized sunglasses.