Oh look, music industry commentator Bob Lefsetz took a break from ranting about how professional skier Bode Miller is like Led Zeppelin to bash the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for inducting Patti Smith. He argues that Alice Cooper is a more deserving candidate: “And, have you forgotten Alice Cooper’s ‘School’s Out’ package, with the desk opening up to reveal the record in panties? That’s performance art worthy of Warhol.” (You gotta love Lefsetz–he has that perfect balance of knowledge and insanity that has produced some of our nation’s most beloved homeless people.)

I was originally going to post about how wrong Lefsetz is, and that Patti Smith is being inducted probably because she’s amazing and brilliant, not because of “a Bruce Springsteen cover,” but then I reminded myself that I no longer give a fuck about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It’s sort of a New Year’s resolution of mine. The place is like a Hard Rock Cafe that started taking itself way too seriously, and its annual induction ceremony is just another excuse for rich old people to talk about how much better “their” music made the world. It’s a circle jerk that ends with a jam session, and I don’t like either of those things.

While thinking about this I vaguely remembered an episode of The Drew Carey Show where Drew steals Buddy Holly’s glasses from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Then somehow that got mixed up with something I read in this real upper of an article about trash scavengers in the slums of the Philippines: “A popular [arson] technique involves releasing a rat or cat soaked in kerosene and set alight into a settlement, where the terrified creature can start dozens of fires before it dies.” Now I’ve got this image of a flaming Drew Carey running around the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, igniting all sorts of really important crap. This will keep me entertained all night.