The horror

Ordinarily I do a pretty good job of ignoring the worst attention-grabbing outrages of the industrial food system. I’ve managed to avoid purple ketchup, the Double Down, and the Dorito Loco, for example. But on Friday night, after news of the limited edition Candy Corn Oreo went viral, a package appeared on my table at a busy River North restaurant. They weren’t supposed be released until Monday, but my contact happened to find them on the shelves at the State and Madison Target that afternoon. We opened the package in the car on the way home and were struck with a paralyzing fear that I can imagine was similar to what the Doughboys felt in the trenches of the Western Front when the first sweet, blistering whiffs of mustard gas rolled over No Man’s Land.