America may now be a socialist state run by a bleeding-heart tyrant who’s going to draft all our able-bodied youth into the Peace Corps to become the slaves of lazy, entitled third-world poors–at least that’s what I’ve taken away from watching Glenn Beck lately–but it’s still a nation that prefers its do-gooding with a side of personal benefit.

Guitar-playing Chicagoans will get an opportunity of that sort this Saturday, May 2, when the Old Town School of Folk Music offers free electric-guitar setups for anyone who brings $5 to $10 worth of groceries to its Lincoln Avenue location between 11 AM and 5 PM. Not only do you get the usual setup stuff–new strings, an intonation check, and whatever adjustments the neck, action, bridge, and pickups need–but the work will be done by Fender’s Vice President of Global Customer Service, Jack Schwarz.

The offer is limited to one guitar per person, and it’s a first-come, first-served situation, meaning no drop-offs, rain checks, et cetera. The Old Town asks that your donation consist of “nutritious, nonperishable canned and packaged foods that have yet to expire (no glass, please).” If you decide to take them up on the offer, you’ll be getting a fantastic deal, so don’t be a dick and give $5 worth of pumpkin-pie filling. Donators also get 10 percent off any Fender or Squire purchase of more than $100.