I fully support Marah Eakin‘s four simple rules of bus etiquette, but it doesn’t go far enough. I would add:

1. Guys: your crotch doesn’t have to be so spread out that your thigh is in my seat. Your balls aren’t that big.

2. Take the window seat. FFS.

3. Wear closed headphones or in-ear monitors. Your tinny iPod earbuds mean I’m listening to Ke$ha’s snare drum all the way to work. (Plus, if you have a $200 mp3 player, you should buy decent headphones.)

4. This doesn’t actually seem to be a problem anymore—for reasons I can’t discern—but it should be obvious that touch-to-talk phones are a menace.