In the spirit of our Valentine’s Day issue, which is brimming with love . . . of cynicism, here is a guide to relationship DON’Ts when dating a musician in a band.

Don’t go to their band practices. Even as a girl, I wholeheartedly defend the no-girlfriends rule. That goes for boyfriends, too. I’ve certainly been that girl who’s gone to a dude’s band practice. I’ve sat on an amp against the wall and wondered what I should do. Should I look interested? (I’m so bored.) Should I look at them? Should I look away? Should I just write all affectedly in my goth diary? It’s just so awkward. Being on the other side of it is still just so . . . awkward. Band practice is for getting work done. We’re trying to share a creative energy and work out ideas, and some of them are bad ones. On top of that, we’re worried about you and how bored you are. And how you are now a witness to our weird, dysfunctional-family dynamic. We were secretly hoping to keep those types of moments to a minimum and only expose you to that sort of thing at, say, family holiday parties.