This special moment—with, say, 67 million people watching—may seem like a nice opportunity for a shout out to someone close to you.

Like your sweetie.

Especially if it happens to be, you know, a birthday or an anniversary. And a big one.

But, take my word for this: it’s not.

You also might not want to use this platform to apologize to sweetie for having to share you on this night with so many others.

And to assure her that next year it’ll just be the two of you.

Because if you do, there’s a really good chance that’ll be a slam dunk. Right back here in Chicago, or wherever it is you’re going when you’re not president anymore.

You’re in a position of privilege and huge responsibility. And we’re out here struggling to keep afloat, waiting to hear what you’re going to do about the country’s—and the world’s—problems.

So please, no cutesy stuff. Get right to it.