Kevin Federline was by far the most popular costume at Halloween parties this weekend. Think about what that means: in 2006 Kevin Federline is actually more popular than Dracula. As a year-round fan of Dracula, I am disinclined to do anything to promote K-Fed, but then he went and dropped this surprisingly long combination autobiography-philosophical treatise in the New York Post, and I can’t help myself. If you don’t have the time to read it all, here are some of the choice quotes.

On finding his muse: “I started dancing a little bit when I was a teenager, when I was like 13. I quit when I was about 14. A lot of people, they were just like, ‘Well.'”

On dancing for the opener on a Britney tour: “That was her tour — opening up for my wife, in the future, that I had no idea about.”

On the Britney and Kevin: Chaotic reality series: “[T]hat might have been a mistake. But then again, it might not have. I got a little piece of that.”

On the media: “I honestly think the media is a give-and-take. It’s not that I can say, ‘Completely f – – k you.’ I could just only say, ‘Halfway f – – k you.'”

On his new album’s message: “There’s no real, like, message.”

Long after we forget about Federline, I hope that everyone remembers that you can meet someone who you will be married to in the future and not even know it at the time, and I hope that the phrase “halfway fuck you” becomes an established swear form. Now, let’s please get to the forgetting about Kevin Federline part.