I’m not one to knock on someone else’s hustle, and as a recovering sneaker addict I have a hard time bagging on any sort of special-edition shoe, no matter how ridiculous, but I can’t really hang with Converse’s Kurt Cobain signature series. It’s not so much that the series includes prescuffed replicas of the shoes he killed himself in–which is at least as morbid and exploitative as the death-certificate T-shirts that came out within days of his suicide–but that the insoles of the death shoes have “punk rock means freedom” written on them.

Will some 17-year-old kids please start a punk band that is so obnoxious and shitty that no one as old as I am can get into it? Otherwise I’m afraid that after this atrocity the cosmic punk scales are gonna end up tipped the wrong way.