Is the Trump administration is running into undue criticism because it can’t bring itself to tell the American people the whole story? Budget chief Mick Mulvaney just made a botch of things when he tried to explain why domestic programs designed to help the poor will be slashed in order to build up the navy. The poor pay taxes too, he said, and it’s not right to take their money and waste it on frivolities. “We’re not going to do that anymore. . . ” he said, “unless we can guarantee that money will be used in a proper function. That is about as compassionate as you can get.”

Journalists with a traditional view of compassion weren’t so sure about that, and it might be that Mulvaney had only himself to blame. He could have said much more about why a beefed-up navy is a “proper function” while Head Start, say, isn’t—but he didn’t. Perhaps he didn’t think the American people could handle the truth.

I think we can, and I intend to lay it on the line. America is surrounded by enemies. The world envies and hates us. Only the navy can protect us from the savage aggression of barbarians. [This is racially charged language.] Fortunately, the White House is a step ahead of them. What the new administration understands is that American’s top 0.1 percent has nothing to fear because if our enemies take over our elite will be installed as satraps and live better than ever. So why should that 0.1 percent pay for the national defense? But the masses—like the coal miners and single moms of two of whom Mulvaney spoke—are a different story. The White House knows what’s in store for them if the enemy breaks through.

Slavery! Yes, what Mulvaney could not bring himself to say is that the Trump budget is all that stands between the common man and the barbarians’ chains and whips. [I think this is in poor taste.] What else could they possibly intend to do with us but clasp us in irons and flog us until we drop? But an even greater horror must be considered. What President Trump is probably hearing from his most reliable news sources is that the enemy covets America’s common man in order to baste him in Mazola Oil and consume him. Cannibalism is a really terrible thing, so we’re lucky to have a president who seems to recognize that a leaner America, no longer plumped up by programs such as Meals on Wheels, will help keep it far from our shores. If the godless hordes do breach our defenses—not that our new president intends to let that happen—maybe they’ll eat our chickens instead. [And this is . . . I don’t know. Weird.]

Chances are that once our rougher and readier navy sets to sea, they won’t even try to take over. If you ask me, seeing that they don’t is worth every penny Mick Mulvaney expects us to pay for protection.

This is the future the last president didn’t see coming but a farsighted President Trump fully intends to prevent. There will be no suckling West Virginians served up to aliens on his watch. But because he doesn’t want to spread panic no one appreciates his vigilance.

[I’m sorry to say that I don’t find this funny and I don’t think it’s working as commentary.]