• Adam Goode

So, about this Groupon deal: this guy, whose name is Ben Kobold and who is a Groupon employee and who is “disease-free, physically,” will tuck you into bed for $100. Reuters explained yesterday that it’s a joke but also not a joke, in the sense that it’s a joke but it’s also an actual genuine business transaction that people—like you—could partake in. So far there have been two partakers, which isn’t surprising considering that $100 could go far toward purchasing some other, more traditional sleep aids, like bourbon or kava. Anyway, Chicago—two days and ten hours left on this one. Here’s what you get:

Upon entering your bedroom, Ben Kobold immediately begins to analyze your linen seams and pillow placement, planning a tucking strategy as you enjoy a glass of water he has poured for you. After you hydrate, Ben’s sinewy, well-groomed fingers delicately raise each sheet and blanket over your body until you’re comfortably bundled. Careful not to disturb any children who may be in the adjacent room, Ben leans in and uses his summer-breeze-like voice to gently sing you one of the five lullabies he has authored. Once your body temperature has fallen and your breathing has slowed, Ben and his legally required entourage of two or three companions will slip soundlessly out the front door and into the night. He’ll return to his sleeping barracks, where he’ll tuck himself in and whisper his lullabies to himself.

More here.