Cue the Imperial March: as predicted, Darth Mariotti sounds (another) death knell for the “Blizzard” (coinage still gaining acceptance) in this online exclusive. And bless his vengeful soul, he’s got a doozy of an insult-to-injury in mind. Did someone say bring back La Russa?! Mercy!!

Meanwhile the Ozzocalypse continues apace. Day 2 of his 360-degree strafing saw the berzerker manager opening up a three-for-all of new fronts, none any saner than a late-fall land campaign in Russia. First up, the second-in-the-second-city lament:

”The manager eight miles from me [the Cubs’ Lou Piniella] was mother-[expletive] his players — ‘I need good players’ — and no one said [expletive],” Guillen said. ”I say we need to play better, and all of a sudden they say, ‘Ozzie is a piece a [expletive].’ Lou said, ‘I need [expletive] players, I bring in this guy, no one does the job,’ and [the reaction is], ‘Oh, Lou is tough, Lou is great.’ I say anything close to what he says, and I’m the bad guy, I’m the [expletive].”

Second up, the doubtless unintentional left-handed backslap to his great patron:

”A lot of people think [chairman Jerry Reinsdorf’s] a piece of [expletive]. Jerry’s not a piece of [expletive]. Jerry [did] a lot of good things for Chicago, and people don’t appreciate that. Well, I feel like I’m stealing Jerry’s money right now because I have pride. I feel embarrassed that this guy’s paying me a lot of money to run that [expletive].”

And finally, the long-awaited laying of the White Sox’ woes at the feet of the obvious culprit:

”It’s the same thing every day. It’s like your kid is two years old and he likes Barney. And you put that little [expletive] down there for three hours watching that [expletive] back and forth, back and forth, the same song for six hours. That’s what I’ve been doing since April. Same [expletive] thing. Rewind it. ‘You OK? Yeah, OK, here’s your bottle, keep watching Barney.”’

Like I said when a friend sent me this YouTube clip of hoof-in-mouth Senator Larry Craig yesterday, you just can’t make this stuff up. The full transcript here and here