A bumper crop in this week’s I Saw You ads.
You were the stunning, therapist-looking woman with iced coffee and a stale-looking muffin. I was the foul-mouthed gimp dressed in black sitting across from you. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in, like, infinity days. Maybe you have a cripple fetish we can explore?
[Ed.: The punchline, I think, is the banal headline. The “stale-looking muffin” is also a detail that speaks well to the writer of this ad. Anyway, just beautiful structure here.]
I saw you crossing LaSalle, or thereabouts, around 9:05 p.m. Wednesday. I was driving west on Ontario. You were wearing red and wearing it well. Your short dark brown hair was pulled back and you had bangs flipped to the side. The dufussy guy, wearing white shirt and shorts, who you were with had left you on the corner as he goofily ran to the median. You did not look amused. I think you and I both know you could do better with someone who will stand by you, not leave you behind, alone on the corner. Someone who saw you and felt like he knew you way back when and hopefully as time goes by.
“You were on the train Thursday, August second. A little past five. Got off at Damen. I was going to say, ‘I see you reading I Saw You!’ but didn’t know if that would scare you or not. Would that have been worse than writing here, ‘I saw you reading I Saw You?’ Well, I did, and you seemed friendly. I was behind you, to the right, by the way, and I did a little reading of Straight Dope, as I hadn’t gotten my copy yet. If you see this and want to see me, see me. I’m much fun.”
As always, my hat is off to the ad writers. If one’s grasp should exceed one’s reach, then what’s a heaven for?