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Today the Chicago Sun-Times paid $1,000 in exchange for 438 words by the entertainer Jenny McCarthy on the differences between men in Chicago and men in Los Angeles. “It’s almost as if [men] trade their manhood in for vaginas when they cross the border into California” is an actual thing that McCarthy writes in this column, in which she excoriates the men she’s encountered in Los Angeles for, I don’t know, ordering salads as entrees or something. No, actually it’s because they wear makeup. (Gay joke!) On which, more later.

McCarthy’s is the third installment in the Sun-Times‘s new Splash, a fraught weekday feature in which the paper hires minor celebrities for their “opinions” about something or other. Yesterday ended on a slightly embarrassing note. Minor celebrity Jim Belushi had written about becoming a “pill popper” in his advancing age (pills like Viagra! get it?) and the S-T had to tack on an editor’s addendum noting that when Belushi mentioned taking the gout treatment medication Allopurinol, the paper “should have noted that Belushi is in an awareness campaign sponsored by the drug’s maker, Savient Pharmaceuticals.” (Via Robert Feder.) (See correction below.)