Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass is taking up the cause of “manly men,” America’s most disadvantaged demographic. It’s about time someone does!
What are “manly men,” exactly? Kass says they’re guys who are so manly that they don’t even talk about it: “It’s bragging.” They’re the type who will stand around in Lake Michigan to smoke a cigar, but not swim, because of “attitude.” They’ll eat “broken cashew pieces and beef jerky” and wash their Slim Jims down with grape pop.
It’s pretty obvious when someone is a “manly man” because he’s unpopular and persecuted by today’s society. “Our modern American culture really doesn’t like manly men much these days,” says Kass. (Somebody better tell the Hollywood explosion-movie people about this.) But if you’re still unclear on the concept, Kass is collecting photos for a new online scrapbook of specimens that he will never, ever turn into a glossy coffee table book, because those are for wimps. Some people have already contributed photos for this anthology, and based on the submissions, a “manly man” definitely should have at least one of the following:
* a mustache
* a muscle shirt
* no shirt at all