That damn mic is picking up the Pepsi Center A/C or something. The tacky DNC logo is still up. Can I help you guys out or something?

Hey, Mark Warner mentioned Danville! That’s where I get food on the drive to and from Raleigh! It’s like the state capital of 17-year-olds cruising the strip in jacked-up pickups! Yay regionalism!

Warner was a good governor (as opposed to Tim Kaine, a veep Dems were fortunate to dodge), but his speech was disjointed–a bunch of little bits of a theme that you could shuffle around at random. There was one killer bit:

“Think about it: after September 11th, if there was a call from the president to get us off foreign oil to stop funding the very terrorists who had just attacked us, every American would have said, ‘how can I do my part?’ This administration failed to believe in what we can achieve as a nation, when all of us work together.”

Other than that, it was kind of forgettable–plenty of sound bites, though. Do people write for the AP wrapup now?

On the MSNBC panel charismatic lesbian-next-door Rhodes scholar Rachel Maddow is sitting next to the aged Catholic Nixon street fighter Pat Buchanan, and they’re playing off each other. They’re really good together, seriously. That makes me feel better about America than Warner’s speech, honestly.

Other people are watching Fox for you.

Hey, Dee Dee Myers, the Democratic Dana Perino. Presidential spokespeople are boring–that’s their job. Please don’t interview them.

Oh, shit, Keith Olbermann just brutalized McCain. Going out to commercial, he said something like this–“Hillary Clinton set to speak… introduced by her daughter Chelsea, once the target of a horrible joke by John McCain.” That may have been the most effective attack of the night. You see how being a partisan Democrat can be frustrating? Speaking of mean attack jokes, the comments at The Poor Man Institute (“Resident Evil Syndrome”) are cracking me up.

Hillary’s about to speak. I would like to second Eric Bohlert’s plea to historically chill about it.

Ok, maybe not. Bill Richardson is one of the few politicians with the guts to sport facial hair. Respect.

Oh, no, we’ve got movie sign! Is Hillary running for president again? Why are we in reruns?

“If we can blast 50 women into space, we can put a woman in the White House.” Does anyone need a speechwriter? I can’t deal with post-literacy speechwriting, and I work cheap.

Quoth my fellow convention-watcher: “How does Bill Clinton make that face? That tears-just-about-to-well-up face?”

Has Hillary ever worn the same pantsuit twice? I’m curious. She’s an underrated speaker, by the way, but “no way, no how, no McCain” is a dud.

The tributes to Bill Gwatney and Stephanie Tubbs Jones were pretty classy. That kind of got me.

If John McCain will amend McCain-Feingold to ban the use of the “from… to…” construction in televised campaign appearances, I’ll vote for him.

Indeed. And.

When Hillary talked about how awesome America was under President Clinton I think Bill had a little petit mort. When I say that he looks like a pig in shit I mean that as a compliment. I like seeing people happy.

The Harriet Tubman part was inspired, and then, segue! “But remember, before we can keep going, we have to get going by electing Barack Obama president.” Hillary can’t stay away from the cheese, even when she’s on a roll. I think it’s why she lost. Is it her speechwriters? Residual pantsuit aesthetics?

Hey, time for the Daily Show! Sleep well!