Andrew Mooney, Commissioner
Department of Housing and Economic Development
City Hall

Dear Commissioner Mooney:

It’s come to my attention that your department’s looking to hire a “financial planning analyst” to help oversee the city’s TIF program.

I’d like to throw my hat into the ring.

As you know, tax increment financing is the program where the mayor jacks up everyone’s property taxes and uses the money to develop stuff in poor, blighted communities (wink, wink).

At the risk of sounding unduly immodest, I’ve become the world’s foremost authority on TIFs, having studied these suckers for the better part of the last nine years.

In particular, my claim to fame is that I’m probably the only TIF expert in captivity who hasn’t made any money off of this scam. So, basically I’m applying for this gig ’cause—I want mine, man!