The tragedy of a litigation attorney’s daughter’s lost doll has been rectified. Anyone who had money on “American Girl Inc. would be stupid not to send a replacement because you can’t buy that kind of advertising” is at least qualified for an entry-level job in PR. My heart, however, goes out to the wage slaves who will be getting letters like:

Dear Phillips Norelco,

United lost one of my bags yesterday and it had one of your wonderful (and pricey!) Arcitec electric shavers. I loved it. Unfortunately I’m not nine years old, my lost item isn’t easily anthropomorphized, and it was lost not in a freak accident but in the usual way. However I do have an unhealthy attachment to inanimate objects, and my facial hair grows really fast. Please send a new one to the address indicated.


W____ M____, Esq.

Someone should tell Bianchi about Allen Walker’s bike, which also fell to its demise off a form of mass transportation.