At Saturday nights screening of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
  • At Saturday night’s screening of Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

January is often described as the worst time of year for commercial movies, but I can’t think of a better time to go to the multiplex if you’re a teenager looking for a dim room in which to make out. Just look at this week’s listings for the River East 21. Broken City, A Haunted House, Movie 43, The Last Stand, Parker: titles so generic they all but instruct more discerning viewers to stay home. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is more creative by comparison, but then again it spoils the plot; an intuitive reader could imagine the story on their own and save 15 bucks. (It was for this reason that I never saw Rahmin Bahrani’s Man Push Cart.) Any theater with enough screens is guaranteed to have near-empty auditoriums right now; more enterprising kissers might be able to sneak candles into the back row without being caught.