Even those who caught the news last week only in the form of fleeting scans of rotating Yahoo headlines (me) probably saw the item about the coyote who wandered into a downtown Quiznos (37 W. Adams) on Tuesday. The coyote, a one-year old, had an injured leg and sought refuge in…the drinks cooler. He was there for less than an hour until Animal Care and Control took him away, eventually to a wildlife refuge (where he was named Adrian, after an Animal Care worker). Being an enormous sap, I bawled at this story, but Quiznos, bless their hearts, found a different angle.

They immediately issued a press release, upon which I don’t know whether to comment or let the bizarro world corporate lingo just speak for itself: “Quiznos, one of the nation’s fastest-growing quick service restaurant chains, today received a first-of-its-kind visit from an unusual guest at a Chicago-based Quiznos restaurant–a wild coyote.” It mentions their new Prime Rib on Garlic Bread sandwich twice: “We can only think that Adrian must have been attracted to our new Prime Rib on Garlic Bread and its above average portions of meat. One thing is for sure, this coyote clearly has excellent taste.”

Marketing Daily called the press release “tongue-in-cheek” but “not all schtick,” i.e., demonstrating a concern with the environment, and citing as evidence the line I found the most hilariously filled with bathos (from Steve Provost, Executive VP and Chief Marketing Officer): “We will support the safety for Adrian and any other members of the wild animal kingdom who face severe challenges and unknown urban obstacles to find their way to Quiznos restaurants.” All I can say is they are lucky coyotes can’t read.