You know, I read my fair share of cooking and food Web sites. I have yet to see anyone talking about what an unholy mess you create when you make all of this crap.

Sorry, delicious crap.

I also have yet to see anyone talk about how ridiculous you feel taking 17 photographs of egg yolks to come up with one serviceable image.

Anyway, today I made:

• a double-crust apple pie with 8 Golden Russet apples and 1 Mutsu apple

• cinnamon-cider ice cream, using a custard base infused with whole cinnamon sticks and incorporating the cider in the form of a ribbon of cider reduction

• one hell of a mess

Today was my last practice pie. The contest is this Sunday. It’s a fundraiser. If you’re interested in coming to eat and to bid on pies, there is information here. If you see me, please say hello. I will probably have been up since 4 AM, so you might have to say it twice. And slowly.

The contest organizers required names for the pies. I approached this cynically at first, wondering which name would give my pie an edge. But in the end, I went a different way. In the extraordinarily unlikely event that my pie should win, I wanted the name to reflect the reasons for its success.

Thus, Dumb Luck and Heirloom Apple Pie.