In the midwest, we have bumper stickers instead of scenery. (“If at first you don’t succeed…then skydiving is not for you.”) My sister’s car is still wearing a Kerry/Edwards sticker from three years ago, but I’ve been trying to find stickers that don’t just blare (“Re-Elect Gore 2008”), but that might act as prybars on the contradictions in people’s thinking. My favorite so far is “God Bless Everyone — No Exceptions.”

It is surprisingly hard to find bumper stickers of this type. Right now my bumper has an open slot, and I’m holding auditions. “Who Would Jesus Torture?” is looking good, although some consultants, known as my wife, think that “Who Would Jesus Bomb?” might be less offensive while posing the same puzzle for Christian warmongers.

Suggestions welcome — or you could answer the question.