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OK, as far as I know Roger Ebert never even had a first date with Oprah. “Roger Ebert Critiques His Second Date With Oprah Winfrey” is the title of one of the “dramatic fictions” in Michael Czyzniejewski‘s new book, Chicago Stories: 40 Dramatic Fictions, published by local press Curbside Splendor. (Curbside’s Victor David Giron was recently profiled in our Spring Books issue, BTW.)

Some gleanings from the book’s table of contents might give an idea of the quirky nature of Czyzniejewski’s work:

“Barack Obama Describes His Perfect Bowling Game to the Graduating Class, Arizona State University Commencement, 2029”

“Ann Landers Advises Against the Use of Twitter”

“David Yow’s 10 Simple Rules for Keeping a Smile on Your Face”

“In His Berwyn Mayoral Campaign Speech, Rich Koz Sincerely Apologizes to the People of Berwyn”

“In Hell, H.H. Holmes and John Wayne Gacy Talk Shit About Richard Speck’s Tits”

There’s a release party for Chicago Stories on Saturday, April 21, 7-10 PM, at Cole’s, 2338 N. Milwaukee. A number of local writers, actors, and improvisers will read pieces from the book.

The full text of “Roger Ebert Critiques His Second Date With Oprah Winfrey” after the jump: