• This is not Saint Patrick

Saturday is Saint Patrick’s Day, when everyone is a little Irish. As you head out for a wholesome day of fun (possibly at one of the events listed below), remember this, lad: an Irishman isn’t drunk until he can’t move. #tastelessjoke

Saint Patrick’s Day Parade—Following the 10 AM dyeing of the Chicago River at Michigan and Wacker, the parade begins at noon and proceeds along Columbus from Balbo to Monroe.

Saint Patrick’s Festival at the Irish American Heritage Center (4626 N. Knox, 773-282-7035)—Family-oriented event featuring traditional and contemporary Irish music and dance, along with food and children’s activities and a wide array of live performances; it runs from 1 PM until midnight. $15 for adults, kids under 12 free with paying adult.

Shamrock Around the Block—The Rush and Division area will sport Irish pipers, drummers, leprechauns (on stilts and unicycles) along with other roaming revelers throughout the day, while She-nannigans (16 W. Division, 312-642-2344) offers live music from the Four Man Band from 2 to4 PM.

Navy Pier (600 E. Grand, 312-595-7437)—For the parents, kiddies, and whoever happens to be wandering or stumbling by, the Family Pavilion Stage offers an afternoon of performances by the Trinity Irish Dancers and live music by Anish for all ages. 2-6 PM.