• AMC
  • Irwin and Joan Koplan (and their leg-humping dog Lambchop)

After I watched the second-season premiere of AMC’s Small Town Security, I had a weird conversation with my mom. “I love them,” she said about the show’s cast. “I want to work with them. I want to live with them.”

First of all, I had no idea how much she hates living with my dad. Second, that’s an emphatic endorsement from someone who tends to be unwilling to suspend disbelief long enough to enjoy a reality show. I’m extremely willing if I’m entertained enough. I watch this phony-baloney bullshit. We still friends? Oh, gooood.

But it makes sense that a person could become attached to the cast of Small Town Security, because the show is fucking visceral: kind of stinky, claustrophobic, sometimes visually repellent, but in a way that makes you feel at home with a group of five strangers who operate a private security company in Ringgold, Georgia. They sure feel at home with us.

Until last week, the only clip I’d seen of it involved its “star,” JJK Security matriarch Joan Koplan laughing until she pissed her pants.