The Vigilant Citizen, a blogger self-tasked with educating the public as to the many conspiracies surrounding them, has a two-part series that claims to expose Lady Gaga as a tool of the Illuminati’s mind control program. It’s entertaining reading, if for no other reason than to see someone talk so seriously about “Poker Face.”

The odds of her actually being an Illuminati agent are obviously slim to nil. For one, the thought of a network of humans—a species with a noted predilection for gossip and blundering idiocy—large enough to effectively rule the world while simultaneously keeping it a secret from everyone but conspiracy theorists is ridiculous. And a more likely reason why Gaga repeatedly uses symbols like eyes and lightning bolts has more to do with the referential power they’ve accumulated during thousands and thousands of years of repeated use than anything to do with Project Monarch, a program that no one’s conclusively proven even existed.

Then again there are a couple of points to his theory that don’t fall apart at the slightest touch: