In a 5-4 ruling, the Supreme Court has declared today’s weather “hot as fuck,” with Justice Antonin Scalia dissenting on the grounds that the word fuck should only be used with reference to heterosexual relations undertaken for the sole purpose of perpetuating the species. What are you gonna do about it? Work in an air-conditioned office, that’s what. Stay hydrated. Don’t make any sudden movements. Sleep a little easier thinking about the fact that in the future, your heat stroke will be covered by insurance.

Also, by god, don’t turn on the oven, but do revisit this recipe for cucumber granita that we published last year. It’s after the jump, it’s easy, and it’s really delicious. A couple places around town are serving similar treats, but with more booze. There’s one at Red Door, which I reviewed this week for the Reader—their bar churns out boozy snow cones of the old-fashioned, manhattan, and mojito varieties. I didn’t try them. I tried some other cocktails that were not very good, but on a day like today it’s really mostly about the ice, isn’t it?