I don’t watch the Hills or any Hills-related shows because I find that the abrupt nosedive to the very lowest reaches of human behavior makes my ears pop, but reading secondhand reports of Hills-related shenanigans gives me a jolt of schadenfreude without requiring me to face the horror of watching the show’s cast manipulate their mouths and tongues in a spastic parody of intelligent speech. (My friend Gabe Delahaye’s work on the subject at the Videogum blog is informative, hilarious, and heroic.)
The latest lulz come from Spencer Pratt’s interview about his “hip-hop career” with Complex magazine, a publication that normally deals with at least semi-legit rappers–and that apparently employs writers blessed with the ability to maintain a straight face in the middle of an erupting LOLcano. Pratt calls himself “the white Jay-Z” and seems to think he has some sort of street cred that could be damaged by his association with Brody “Bromance” Jenner (as opposed to, say, being damaged every single fiber of his own being). He also has a song. It’s hilarious.
But a couple of choice lines indicate that Pratt isn’t on a strict all-delusions, all-the-time program. Occasionally he seems to comprehend the sad state of the world around him.
Like this line: “I think I’m the future of hip-hop. You know, I feel bad for saying that.”
Or this: “I don’t have to have talent. I just need to have Auto-Tune and be allowed to have the hottest track in the game, and my swag.” Aside from the reference to “swag,” that rings pretty true.
Of course that illusion of lucidity is shattered by the embedded song, “I’m a Celebrity.” (A tip for Spencer: Jay-Z doesn’t have Ryan Seacrest drops all over his shit.) But maybe it’s like the old saying goes: even a mindless, sociopathic mega-narcissist with a broken watch knows what time it is twice a day.