Ten things that would make Internet text “cool” again

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HTML, or HyperText Markup Language. It’s the greatest, mostly because it’s the language for displaying web pages (it’s the stuff that makes things underlined and bold, for example!), but also because…

nerd alert!!

…on HTML, you can make really fun stuff happen, things the Web no longer considers useful because they’re just dumb gimmicks, things like (N.B. may not work on Chrome. :/ ) and: the insanely retro thingamajig, which probably has your mind echoing with Spice Girls and Michael Jordan’s giant tongue and “I did not have sex with that woman… … …Ms. Lewinsky” and other super 90s stuff.

Sadly, web browsers are phasing these HTML elements out because apparently they’re, like, biiig mistakes—some dude called “simply evil,” hurtfully—and I actually had to borrow a script from Wikipedia so Safari and Internet Explorer users can see the blinking. But let’s imagine a world where web developers were STILL FUN. What would be some other cool HTML elements they could make?