Former Journey lead vocalist/hairdo Steve Perry may have said that the band’s own arcade game was “dumb,” but I disagree–it was completely, absotardedly idiotic. You drove Journey–in the form of digitized black-and-white photos of the band members’ heads attached to stumpy computer-graphic bodies–around space in their little bug spaceship so they could jump through obstacles in order to collect their instruments and perform for you, or rather so the machine could play “Separate Ways” while you imagined how cool it would be to have friends you could high-five at times like that.

Back in the 80s I spent a shitload of time at my local roller rink pumping quarters into a Journey machine and making bobbleheaded Neal Schon fly through space. But as it tends to do, the Internet has shat all over my cherished childhood memories–and the sense of accomplishment I felt when I got the stupid thing to play “Separate Ways”–in the form of this dude beating the entire game in a ruthlessly efficient 3:26.

Thanks a lot, dick.