If you thought malicious, greed-motivated legislation was strictly for Republicans, you should meet Democratic Reps. George Miller (CA) and Ruben Hinojosa (TX), who have added language to a 747-page spending bill that would axe federal financial aid to schools who don’t sign up for paid “alternatives” to P2P filesharing. Essentially it says “sign up for these for-profit services or no more Pell grants” and then cackles demonically. CNET didn’t get any comments from the RIAA, but the movie industry is predictably, slime-ily thrilled. Here’s MPAA spokesperson Angela Martinez: “We very much support the language in the bill, which requires universities to provide evidence that they have a plan for implementing a technology to address illegal file sharing.” If she had anything resembling a soul she would’ve had to choke those words out through her own vomit.

Anyone in Congress looking for an easy Crusader-for-the-People makeover should take the obvious step of standing up and saying “Motherfuck this shit” before taking the amendment out back and capping it in the head.