I received this message today from someone in my fantasy baseball league, in which I’ve been running a close second to the sender for about two months straight:

“Whet must not be allowed to win the league. Anyone from south of the Mason-Dixon line should be oriented toward Little League. That’s your World Series.”

Sadly, this is untrue. People below the Mason-Dixon line, or at least the part I grew up in, don’t participate in the famously all-American Little League, not with all the enmity we still hold about the War of Northern Aggression. We do Dixie Youth Baseball. I shit you not. People from, like, anywhere else are always kind of surprised to hear that. I think I still have a uniform from my time in the Dixie Youth with team sponsors Classy Cut ‘n’ Curl on the front and the, um, somewhat less classy logo below–the old Dixie Youth logo.

To my knowledge this was not officially known as the “Balls and Bars,” but there you go.

The South: it’s weird. At least, thank God, the Roanoke Valley Rebels became the less offensive and actually more appropriate Roanoke Express, seeing as it’s a railroad town that wasn’t much a part of the theater of war. The fact that it’s hockey, though, is still pretty inexplicable no matter what you call it.