Don’t look here for deep thoughts about Oscar fashion last night. Evening dresses just aren’t really that interesting from a critical point of view. Whereas couture and even ready-to-wear can offer allusions to history, art, or politics, or just a glimpse into a the fanciful landscape of a designer’s mind, evening dresses are generally just pretty dresses. With most people playing it safe, Oscar fashion criticism has devolved into pointless nit-picking about Zoe Saldana’s homecoming-float-like ruffles or Charlize Theron’s rosette headlights. Without someone like Tilda Swinton to spice things up, there’s just not a lot to talk about.

But OK, I have a few nits of my own to pick: