One for the dumb criminals file: On her way home Saturday night, just after 3 AM, my roommate saw a drugged-out-looking white guy in his mid-20s trying to kick in the front door of Alliance Bakery. She called the cops and waited inside the entryway to our building, a few doors down, until they arrived about five minutes later, then went upstairs.

According to an Alliance barista, by the time the police got there the guy had managed to bend the broken laminated glass enough to crawl inside. He’d eaten half a dog biscuit and some cinnamon crumb cake–the two most easily accessible items in the store–then passed out on the floor. You’d think once the guy had gone to all the trouble of kicking in the door, he could find something better to eat than dog biscuits. Then again, the biscuits are made fresh at Alliance–maybe they’re worth a try.