I’ve seen a few blogs talking about how former Catherine Wheel front man Rob Dickinson shot an entire video on his cellphone and how this could potentially change the world. But everyone is talking about the tech, not the video itself, which is a shame. (The phone is really nice, although for $700 or so I would kind of expect it to take some bitchin-ass full-motion video, and maybe also have a bottle opener or chiropractor function or something.) I don’t know if it was intentional, but the video functions as a greatest-hits collection of bad 90s alt-rock video cliches, including such beloved tropes as:

– The guy in an outfit that looks somewhat humorous when stripped of its usual context.

– The faceless-but-sexy woman/object with a hot ass and the wardrobe of one of the slutty moms in The Ice Storm.

– Those annoying fade-to-white cuts that turn your TV into a malfunctioning-strobe-light emulator.

– The dickhead playing a guitar in the desert.

– The “ugly alternative duckling that turns into a beautiful alternative, um, mermaid” storyline. (This cliche is a direct descendant of hair metal’s “all along she was actually hot, but no one knew until she took her hair down from that bun” myth.)

– Just throwing some retro car or something in there. Because, “whatever.”

– The ironic and meaningful message at the end . . . or is it

I would say the video is totally worthless, except I could imagine that whatever kids grow up to make the Yacht Rock of the year 2020 will find this a valuable resource in extracting the worst soft-alt ideas of the 90s.