Have you seen the Spike TV reality show Bar Rescue? I’m not surprised if you haven’t, so here’s the pitch: a bloviating Gordon Ramsey-esque bar consultant sweeps into a struggling waterhole and, in the name of maximizing profits, scrubs and genericizes whatever makes the place quirky or unique, while humiliating owners and staff for dramatic effect. That’s what happened to the venerable Abbey Pub last year when the show’s producers transformed it into a dime-store Hard Rock Cafe, hanging incongruous gimcracks on the walls (Van Halen-autographed Stratocaster?), and shit-canning a server for eating a potato chip.