Bishop Thomas G. Doran of the Rockford (Illinois) Diocese writes that the seven secular sacraments are “abortion, buggery, contraception, divorce, euthanasia, feminism of the radical type, and genetic experimentation and mutilation,” according to his August 11 column in its diocesan newspaper, the Observer. (Shockingly, I’ve received only one of the seven.)

The bishop’s argument about abortion appeals to generally held values rather than dogma: “What we have to remember is that violence breeds violence. . . . Those who have killed millions under their mother’s hearts cannot be expected to balk at a mere few thousand killed in Afghanistan, in Iraq, in Somalia, in Darfur, in Bosnia, in Madrid, in London, in Baghdad, in Beirut, in Washington, in New York.”

Hmm. If this argument were true, wouldn’t you expect that pro-lifers–including the nation’s Catholic bishops en masse–would be leading the antiwar movement in this country?

And wouldn’t you expect that the few remaining supporters of the U.S. war in Iraq would be pro-choice activists?

In the real world, of course, we know who wants to stay the course, and who doesn’t “balk at a mere few thousand killed.” Is it possible that the bishop is criticizing President Bush, on the grounds that war-making may turn him into an abortionist?

Or does he just have the driest sense of humor this side of Jon Stewart?

(Hat tip to Butterflies and Wheels.)