I’m a 21-year-old bisexual male who recently moved back home to Canada from overseas. For the last two months I was there I was involved with my first male partner. He was a virgin, I wasn’t. He knew about my bisexuality and one night propositioned me. I initially refused because I wasn’t really all that attracted to him, but a couple weeks later I asked him if he was still interested because I wanted to experiment. We wound up having sex pretty much every day for two months. He kept telling me he loved me, but I made it very clear to him that for me this wasn’t anything serious. Eventually I conceded that I did love him, albeit in a different way than he loved me.

Throughout our short relationship, he was extremely possessive and obsessed–frankly, I was relieved to leave the country. Now that I’m back home, he constantly sends me e-mails. He professes his undying love to me and signs off with “Love ya, sweetie” and shit like that.

Now he wants to fly over here to see me. I’ve already decided never to have sex with him again. I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t stand his letters anymore. I’m not interested in being with him. Though we were fucking all the time, it wasn’t ever a true relationship to me. But since I was the first person he told about his homosexuality, he credits me with being the single most important person he has ever met.

I don’t want to seriously maim the guy’s feelings, but I also don’t want to read his heartfelt letters anymore. I don’t feel that way toward him. HELP! –Confused in Canada

Open your mouth and solve your problem, CIC.

It’s nice that you don’t want to hurt this man’s feelings, but your desire to spare him is what got you into this mess in the first–no, wait, I take that back. It was your willingness to take advantage of a guy you weren’t “all that attracted to”–a guy who was not only closeted but a virgin too–so you could “experiment” on his ass every day for two months that got you into this mess in the first place. You could’ve spared yourself the emotional torment of having to read “Love ya, sweetie” in his letters if you’d simply refrained from fucking him once you realized his feelings for you were more intense than yours for him.

But that was then. Now you’re back in Canada and this poor deluded sap is sending you love letters and planning to come visit. What do you do? You stop telling him what he wants to hear. You’ve been telling him what he wants to hear since that night you decided to experiment on him, a mistake you compounded by telling him you loved him. (You may think you covered your ass by tacking an “albeit in a different way” onto the end of “I love you,” but he didn’t hear your lame qualifier. All he heard were those three magic words–love’s like that, whether you’re talking requited, unrequited, delusional, man-on-calf, whatever.)

So it’s time to face the music, CIC. You brought him out, you took his virginity, and now you’re going to break his heart. Write the boy a letter, tell him you don’t love him, tell him you don’t want him to come and see you, and tell him you’re not going to read any more of his e-mails. Will it hurt? Yes. But we all get our hearts broken sooner or later, CIC, and I assure you this boy will recover. At some point in their lives most gay men have found themselves on the receiving end of some selfish bisexual guy’s “experiment,” and the vast majority of us get over it.

My boyfriend is uncircumcised. In general this is no big deal. However, his dick often tastes and smells like pee. I’ve observed that he doesn’t pull back the foreskin when taking a piss, and I think pee gets trapped under it. I often find myself unable to give him blow jobs because I dislike the taste and smell. I want to be a good, giving, and game lover–and if a man didn’t want to go down on me because of the taste I’d think he was an insensitive bastard. But I know I’ll never enjoy giving him oral sex while I’m tasting pee.

Is this a common problem with uncircumcised men? What can be done? Do other uncircumcised men pull back the foreskin when peeing? –No Pee for Me

Hmm. Now that I think of it, a lot of my mail involves situations in which people can solve their problems by opening their mouths. So common are these situations, in fact, that I believe it’s acronym worthy: OYMSYP, open your mouth, solve your problem. Tell your boyfriend that if he wants you to suck his cock he’s going to have to start pulling his foreskin back when he takes a piss. It’s not a lot to ask, and it’s what most uncut men already do. Unless he’s limber enough to autofellate, he may not be aware that his urination technique is leaving his dick in an unappetizing condition. OYMSYP without delay, NPFM.

My favorite movie-musical song is the Jane Russell number in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, “Ain’t There Anyone Here for Love?” which goes something like this: “I like big muscles and red corpuscles, I like a beautiful hunk of man.” Problem is, I don’t seem to attract musclemen myself: try as I might, I can’t seem to get to first base, let alone up to bat. Obviously it’s a big fantasy, but do you think this can ever happen? –Alone in Albany

Sure it can happen, AIA–if you’re willing to pay to play. Gym memberships, protein supplements, and steroids are all expensive, and there are lots of bodybuilders out there who help make ends meet by renting themselves to guys like you.

“It’s a big fantasy for a lot of people,” says Trey Rexx, a great big hunk of an escort who lives and works in Salt Lake City. (You can check out Trey at www.treyrexx.com.) “Some people make a big deal about not wanting to pay for it, but what I tell them is that you wind up paying for it somehow–even if it’s just a dinner date you’re paying for it. Why is it such a big deal to pay to see someone you know to be your physical ideal to fulfill a fantasy?”

So does a muscular male escort get a lot of work in a conservative place like Utah? “Definitely,” says Trey, “and a lot of it is ‘straight’ men.” It always is, isn’t it?

Finally, mail from people who want to praise, bury, or perfect my drug-support-payments proposal continues to pour in. Should guys who infect others with HIV have to help pay the costs of the drugs the people they infect are going to need to stay alive? To read all about it, go to www.thestranger.com/specials/savage/drugsupport.html.