I’ve been with my guy for almost eight years. He wants sex way more often than I do, but that’s because I’m not attracted to his 80-pounds-overweight body. The one time I gently broke it to him why my libido was low he acted really hurt and didn’t sleep with me for a few weeks. He didn’t go on a diet either. I can tell he occasionally feels guilty by the way he orders diet soda to go with his greasy fast food.
I’ve tried convincing him that I want him to be “healthy” so he’ll feel better and live longer, tried cooking healthy food at home, tried getting him interested in exercising several different ways. It’s not working. This isn’t vanity weight; he is clinically obese.
The next time he chides me for having no sex drive or not initiating sex enough, do I tell him bluntly? –Wanting a Hot Husband
Women! You’re all alike! You judge men on our bodies alone! You see us as pieces of meat that exist only to turn you on. I mean, take WAHH here. Did she fall in love with the person who is her husband, or did she fall in love with a body? Does she love him for what’s on the inside or what’s on the outside?
You know, WAHH, it’s women like you that drive us to stick our fingers down our throats. In malls all over America you can see teenage boys who are literally starving themselves to death–walking skeletons!–because of attitudes like yours. Having their looks constantly and critically assessed by females causes young boys to confuse their self-worth with their waist sizes! For shame!
Hee-haw, just kidding. But that’s the raft of shit straight men get when they dare complain about their wives blowing up to sumo size. My position has always been this: We marry people because we’re attracted to them emotionally and physically. When a person chooses to radically alter his or her physical form, he/she can’t complain when his/her spouse’s feelings for him/her alter radically.
My advice, WAHH: Level with your husband. He needs to know that he’s succeeded in making himself repulsive to you and that that’s why you’re not interested in sex. You can take some of the sting out of it by using those magical “I” statements: “It’s not you, honey, it’s me. I find you repulsive and I would like you to lose some weight. Or I ain’t putting out.”
I have a coworker who appears to have some type of padding in his trousers. Not in the front, so as to make his penis look larger, but all around–front, back, sides. Some days he comes to work appearing slim and trim, but on random days he comes in wearing much larger slacks that appear to be stuffed with something. It is obvious to everyone in the office.
The padding doesn’t appear to be an adult undergarment–the stuffing/padding is bulkier than a Depend. Over time (several years) the padding has gone up and down in size. There are female coworkers who have complained that the guy tends to try to rub against them when he’s wearing his stuffed/padded trousers. I know that many adults enjoy wearing diapers, but I’m wondering whether you know of any other fetish that involves stuffing or padding trousers. –Need Answers Pertaining to Perverted Yearnings
He’s wearing diapers under his trousers, NAPPY, without a doubt. The varying degrees of bulk you’ve noticed is most likely the result of his wearing different types of diapers. A Depend may be more discreet, but no ambitious diaper fetishist is going to be satisfied wearing just that day after day. Some days he may not wear diapers, some days he may wear a Depend, and some days he apparently comes to work in bulkier diapers. There’s also the disturbing possibility that on some days his diapers are empty and other times they’re full.
Oh, and speaking of disturbing: Folks who were upset to learn in a recent installment of Savage Love that some people like to leave behind erotically charged ephemera for others to stumble across–like, say, the guy who leaves a smidge of his come on his friends’ toothbrushes–might want to skip the rest of this. It seems that a man in Dallas has been on trial for sprinkling–Christ, I can’t bring myself to type what comes next, so I’ll just copy and paste from the Team 4 News report: “A Dallas cabdriver is in big trouble for getting caught on tape sprinkling dried feces on pastries at a Fiesta grocery store. Forty-nine-year-old Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh was convicted on two felony counts of tampering with consumer products and sentenced to five years in prison. Police said they found a pile of human feces by his bed. He would dry it [and] grate it up with a cheese grater and then sprinkle it at the store, officials said.”
It’s the bit about the cheese grater that lifts this story out of horror camp and plops it down in the mind-numbingly-horrifying-nightmare camp. Will any of us ever be able to shake the mental image of Behrouz sitting in his apartment contentedly grating his dried crap? And, more important, will any of us ever eat from a self-serve pastry case ever again?
Straight rights update: Target may fill its ads with dancing, multiculti hipsters giving off a tolerant urban vibe, but as John Aravosis revealed on Americablog.org last week, Target’s politics are as red as their bull’s-eye logo: the chain allows its pharmacists to refuse to dispense birth control and emergency contraception to female customers if the pharmacist objects on religious grounds. What’s worse, the company claims that its employees have a right to discriminate against any of its customers provided the discrimination is motivated by the employee’s religious beliefs. Read all about it at www.americablog.org.
Second, there’s troubling news from Tucson, where a 20-year-old rape victim called dozens of pharmacies in town before she found one that stocked emergency contraception (EC). “When she finally did find a pharmacy with it, she said she was told the pharmacist on duty would not dispense it because of religious and moral objections,” reported the Arizona Daily Star.
Don’t just sit there, heteros–defend your rights! Don’t shop at Target, and write ’em and tell them why you’re going elsewhere. As for Fry’s Pharmacy in Tucson, the shop that wouldn’t dispense EC to a freakin’ rape victim, the pharmacist claims it’s her “right” not to do her fucking job. Well, you have a right to free speech. So call the place at 520-323-2695 and ask them why the fuck a pharmacy that won’t dispense EC keeps the drug in stock. Do they do it just to torment rape victims?