When did your sex-advice column become a political column? That’s not why I read you. Please get back to peggers and piss drinkers. If I find anything about politics in your column next week, I’m done with you. I want info and entertainment on sex, not politics! –Joey M.

PS: In Iran two months ago a teenage girl was hanged from a crane for having premarital sex. Compared to that, American homos ain’t got it too bad.

Thank you for the perspective-inducing mental image, JM. You’re right: American gays aren’t swinging from the ends of ropes for wanting to have marital sex. As silver linings go, it’s pretty thin, but I’m happy to have it.

I’m sorry to say, though, that you’re going to read about politics in this week’s column–but only because I’m running your letter. And I’m only running it so that I can swear on my santorum-smudged Bible that I’m getting back to sex. That doesn’t mean, however, that I won’t touch on politics in this space. Sex and politics are bound together in the USA–and that’s not my doing, kiddo. Nevertheless I’ll try not to dwell too much on, say, the demise of the Supreme Court, Karl Rove’s indecently fat ass, the end of social security, or the war on terror. And while I have hundreds of e-mails in my in-box from distressed liberals, delighted conservatives, and uncharacteristically boastful Canadians who do want to discuss politics, I’m going to ignore them in favor of peggers and piss drinkers, JM, per your request.

If that doesn’t win back your affections, maybe this will: At the end of this week’s column I will announce Savage Love’s first annual GGG Award, a contest that is sure to fill this space with hair-raising tales of perversion for weeks to come. But first, a pegger and a piss drinker…

My girlfriend got a harness so she could fuck me in the ass. This turns us both on. The only problem is that for several days afterward, this straight guy’s butt is sore. We go slowly, use tons of lube, and employ a small dildo. Is there any more advice you can give other than the standard “go slow, use tons of lube”? –Pegging Causes Pain

If your girlfriend’s dildo is made out of a porous material like latex or vinyl, PCP, you might want to try switching to a nonporous, more-expensive, and less-irritating silicone dildo. Also, with a silicone dildo you can use a non-water-based lube, e.g., something greasy. Some guys find that oil-based lubes ease the way. (Attention butt fuckers: oil-based lubes dissolve latex condoms and are not to be used for penis-in-butt-style butt fucking.) Hope that helps.

I made a pass at the girlfriend of a guy I know. He’s a friend, but she’s too hot to let friendship stand in the way. She said no. Two weeks later the girl asked me if I still wanted to fuck her. Yes! She said I could, but first I had to blow her boyfriend and drink his piss. No! This is her fantasy, she said. She wanted her boyfriend to degrade me, and then degrade her by letting me fuck her. I told her I might be drunk enough to suck her boyfriend’s dick, but that no way was I going to drink a dude’s piss. Both or nothing, she said. Many beers later (some recycled), there I was fucking her brains out.

Now they barely speak to me. It’s not like I want a repeat–with God as my witness, I will never be that drunk again–but I’m pissed that they could put me through all of that and be such assholes about it afterward. I would like to confront them, but I don’t want them to get pissed and tell people what I did. So can you tell me what the fuck their deal is? –On the Wagon

They’re into head games and power trips, OTW, and they’re assholes.

The operative part of the above sentence is: “. . . and they’re assholes.” There are lots of couples into head games and power trips who manage to keep them inside the bedroom where they belong. Outside the bedroom they treat any third parties they involve with kindness and respect. This particular couple does not, which makes them assholes. As for confronting them, don’t do it–not because they’ll blab (they probably don’t want people to know what freaks they are), but because they’ll get off on knowing that their head games and power trips are working. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

Finally, OTW, “with God as my witness”? I don’t doubt that a straight guy would be capable of sucking a dude’s dick, even drinking a dude’s piss, if it meant getting to fuck the dude’s amazingly hot/amazingly kinky girlfriend. But tossing off lines from Gone With the Wind? That is so gay, OTW. What are you, a fag or something?

You should definitely run a “good, giving, and game” contest, Dan, giving a prize to the best example of a nonkinky partner who really came through for his or her kinky beloved. For proof that you’re not just getting mail from people yanking your chain, have each couple send in a pair of pics–a normal one, and one that contains a reference to Savage Love. Also, only the lucky spouses/partners of GGGs should be able to do the nominating. This might not prevent lies, but it would cut down on entries from people who think they’re being GGG when they’re not. After all, the true test of someone’s GGG cred is the satisfaction, even admiration, of his or her grateful partner. –Island Dweller in Portland and No Acronym

A contest! Yes, that will make me feel better. Pervy pictures, pervy stories. But I better get the GGG Awards off the ground before GWB makes being GGG illegal. So here are the rules: Pervs who want to nominate their partners should send in essays of 500 words or less to gggawards@savagelove.net and tell us why your nonpervy but GGG mate deserves this award. Please include a nonperv photo (that’s mandatory) and, if possible, a perv photo to prove you’re actually doing the things you claim to be doing. (The perv photo need not be pornographic–I’m looking for the gist, folks, not the jism.) You must also include a phone number. NB: Photos and phone numbers will be kept strictly confidential–they’re for verification purposes only and will not be posted on any Web site. I will interview each nominee to make sure that all GGG finalists are the genuine articles, then select the best examples of GGG heroics and run them in an upcoming column; Savage Love readers will vote on a winner. The grand prize: three days and two nights in pervy Las Vegas, Nevada! Deadline for entries is December 10, 2004.