I am a 15-year-old bisexual male in a serious relationship with a woman four years my senior. She suggested that we try experimenting with threesomes, and I thought it was an amazing idea because it was one of my biggest fantasies–sex with her and another woman or another man. Three weeks ago I met a 24-year-old man who really got into the idea of having sex with us on a casual basis.

It’s been working quite well. Usually he never touches her during sex, just focuses on me while I focus on her. Neither of them have the problem with the statutory rape thing, and of course neither do I. However, this guy is an avid antidrugger–sort of a bent straight-edger–and I am a heroin user and occasionally a user of crystal meth. My girlfriend smokes pot and is perfectly fine with my drug usage because I am quite cautious about my needles. She’s happy, he’s happy, I’m happy.

But he has no idea about either of our habits. And I’ve grown rather fond of the fellow. I don’t want to force him into approving of drugs–I’m a big hippie, and I accept that–but I don’t want him to leave simply because we, especially myself, are users. Should I just keep him in the dark or should I tell him and hope for the best? I am quite certain he would be outraged about such a revelation, so I’m inclined to say nothing.

–Drugs, Sex, and Good Times

First, you are not a hippie. Heroin was never a hippie drug, it was a Hell’s Angels drug, and when Hell’s Angels weren’t killing themselves with heroin they were often out killing hippies with crowbars. Don’t believe me? Go to a video store and rent Gimme Shelter. Nor were hippies–men and women who sought to expand their minds through the use of mellowing psychedelic drugs–all that fond of crystal meth. In fact, I can’t recall a single reference to crystal meth in the movie Hair, the TV series The Mod Squad, the radio program All Things Considered, or any of the other products of hippie drug culture.

So if you’re not a hippie, what are you? You are an idiot. The drugs you’re doing, young skank, are dangerous and, however careful you are with needles, sooner or later they’re going to kill you. In the meantime, crystal is going to destroy your looks, make you smell bad, and make you intolerable to be around. Heroin will addict you, and when it does the high will wear off and you’ll find yourself needing fixes just to function normally. In other words, the high goes away, the need for heroin remains. And when it does you’ll wind up selling your skanky ass to strangers for a fix. Don’t believe me? Watch some Baretta reruns on cable, or go to Vancouver, British Columbia, and watch the addicts work Granville Avenue.

OK, what should you do about your drug-phobic, statutory-rapist fuck buddy? Well, I’d say that like any good hippie you should be open, honest, loyal, brave, and true. Tell him what the holes in your arm are all about and give him the option of staying or going. You say you have feelings for this guy, and if that’s the case then you owe him the truth. If it’s not the case, well, you might as well go ahead and steal his stereo and TV set now.

I’m a hetero male who has season tickets to pro football games and tailgates before and after the games. At several recent games, I’ve talked to a very gregarious couple. The wife is hot! And it turns out she is hot for me! They told me that they are swingers and she would like to suck me off while he watches. At the last tailgate party they upped the ante. They have offered to sponsor me at a party at their swing club. This is a great privilege since single males are not often admitted to these parties.

I know the possibility of STDs being transmitted at these events is higher than in most other settings, even though these people say that they and their friends are clean. There is no question that I would keep my cock sheathed during intercourse, but I am worried about her or other women giving me blow jobs, since I prefer that condomless. What are the risks there? Because I wouldn’t be licking pussy, I hope to reciprocate in some cases by offering to masturbate my temporary partners or by the use of my massage skills. Whaddaya think? In your mind, do the advantages of orgiastic sex outweigh the risks here?

–Should I Swing?

If all you’re doing is getting blow jobs, the risks of contracting a serious STD–like, say, HIV–is extremely low. If you avoid eating pussy (and sucking cock) and wear a condom when you bang away at any holes, you should be fine.

I’ve been going out with a great guy for two years. I know he’s got a thing for lesbians–which I have no problem with. I would like to have a threesome with him and another girl, but I don’t want him to be getting it on with another chick. I want to get it on with her, but I don’t want him to. I want to him to watch, or he can touch me (of course!) while I touch her. Am I being weird? Or is this OK?

–Just Wondering

Yes, you’re being weird, and yes, it’s OK to be weird. When a couple invites a third to play, what makes their threeway successful is the two primary partners being completely honest with each other about what they’re comfortable with. You have to lay it out for each other, and if you can’t come to terms–if you can’t agree to each other’s ground rules–then you shouldn’t have a threeway.

Tell your boyfriend you want to make it with another girl while he’s there, but that he can only look, not touch. If he can’t agree to keep his hands to himself (or to you), then tell him you won’t have a threeway with him. Knowing straight boys as well as I do, I’m going to go out on a limb and predict he’ll quickly agree to your terms. If you’re worried that he’ll attempt to touch the other girl once the threeway is under way, then I’d suggest you strap him to the bed and have sex with this other girl right on top of him.

Or if that’s too extreme, get him to agree to only do as he’s told during the threeway. He can only touch, lick, suck, and penetrate when and what you tell him to. Then if you decide you’d like to see him do more than watch, you can tell him to do just as much as you’re comfortable with–and no more. If you’re in complete control of the action, you may find yourself wanting him to go places and do things you may not have thought you would before your threeway got under way.

Send questions to Savage Love, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611 or to letters@savagelove.net.